You may be in an ambivalent situation where you are not sure if the relationship you are in is right for you or not. Ending a long-term relationship is hard and deciding to take a break from a long term relationship can be very difficult even after the decision is made. If one of you cheated, then the decision is made, but if the partner hasn’t particularly done anything awful and it’s just that you aren’t 100% happy then it is even harder to break off a long term relationship. Unless the relationship is super unhealthy, partners feel guilty in taking a break from a long term relationship.
There are a few questions that you need to ask yourself before deciding to end a relationship. For example, if you were told that it was ok to leave the relationship, would you be relieved? Do you both genuinely like each other? Are your personal needs met in the relationship you are in? Does your partner behave in a way that makes it difficult for you to stay in the relationship and if yes, can that be changed? Do you feel any sexual attraction towards your partner? Do you respect each other, and do you have mutual goals for the long term?
Think carefully over these questions and the answers will help you in understanding if you need a break in the long term relationship. Here’s how to know when it is the right time to break off a long term relationship.
No effort equity: If you feel like you are the shouldering the relationship then it’s probably time to call it quits. If you are the one always doing things, reaching out and making plans then you must be feeling exhausted. If you don’t think the relationship is equal, then that is a problem. Everyone is busy, has baggage and commitments. So, you need to find a way to make equal contributions to the relationship. And if that isn’t happening then you won’t feel too good about it.
No love in the relationship: Love doesn’t just mean sex. It means knowing the feeling of being wanted, desired and cared for. Affection, kisses, and compliments are needed in a relationship. Not feeling loved just sounds downright miserable.
Negative is more than positive: If your fights outweigh the affection and overshadow the laughter then you know it’s time to step back. Give dignity to the relationship and end it before it gets too messy.
Putting life on hold: Happy relationships are supposed to make your life feel better. It is like a bonus. It shouldn’t mean that you have to put your life or plans on hold to maintain a relationship. A little give and take are alright, but if you have to change something major, something that you wanted a lot, then that isn’t very good.
Not liking yourself: When you are in a relationship but don’t like who you are in it, then you need to rethink. People have different sides, but the core values remain the same. But if you feel that you are compromising with your core values then it’s time to end it.
Conflict in goals: Differences in opinion and conflicting goals are common in relationships. However, if you aren’t able to resolve those even after putting a lot of effort then there is no point in keeping the relationship alive.
Abuse or putting down: An abusive relationship isn’t healthy for anyone. Physical or mental abuse can deteriorate your health. And if you know that your partner is abusive and cannot change, it’s best to walk out.
Unhappiness: Sometimes you may have everything but still you don’t feel happy. Happiness has nothing to do with material things. It’s your state of mind and how you look at things. So, if you don’t feel happy despite trying hard, then have a relook at your relationship.
Zero trusts and cheating: If there are zero trusts in a relationship, it will not survive long. There will always be fights and arguments and you will never fully be comfortable with each other. Similarly, if your partner cheats there will never be any trust between you two.
Once you realize that your relationship isn’t working out then you need to decide how to break from a long term relationship. That needs a little preparation because you want to do it in a sensitive way for both of you.